Jeff Spicoli is dead. Because that if Taylor on this season the Survivor was the real-life embodiment that Fast time at Ridgemont High’s resident stoner, then last night to be Mr. Hand ruining all the funny by intercepting Spicoli’s pizza delivered to history class. No, that’s not right. This is one instance in i beg your pardon Taylor was in reality one step ahead the Spicoli. That would have actually been much cagier than that, having actually the distribution guy stuff the pizza in a locker so he could retrieve that one slice at a time while on make-believe operation to the bathroom.

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I assumption: v it’s more like Mr. Hand arriving at Spicoli’s residence on prom night to go through an entire year’s precious of U.S. Background (especially due to the fact that Taylor speak openly about not caring about things, choose who to be president). In any kind of event, the party is lastly over. Since I’m pretty sure that’s just how Taylor saw this whole season — and also it’s most likely just how Taylor watch his whole life — as one huge party. In a way, I’m envious of the outlook. Ns wish I can be so carefree and also not invest 94 percent of my presence stressing around various points that aren’t precious stressing about. I wish I might just chuckle in ~ pretty much anything everyone — consisting of myself — says. Yet I’m method too neurotic because that that.

So ns don’t begrudge Taylor and his “chill-bro” vibe. Yet as a vi4476mountvernon.comer… holy crap, it to be frustrating watching the play this game. Strike that from the record, actually, since technically, i don’t think Taylor in reality played this game for even a solitary second. That was as well busy mouthing come Figgy how hot she was.

Even his island girlfriend claimed Taylor to be incapable of making any strategic decision whatsoever. And even his greatest bro-lliance member, Jay, a nice direct distinction between the 2 of them at Tribal Council. “I have actually dreams and goals. I’m not a regular, dumb surfer,” stated Jay, come which Taylor replied, “I’m not a dumb surfer.” Yeah, Jay! Take that back! He’s not a dumb surfer! He’s a dumb snowboarder! obtain your truth straight, man. The most illuminating component of that exchange is in reality what came after, once Jay stated “No offense, dude” and Taylor just laughed.

However, in Taylor’s defense, that did go the end fighting. Now, granted, the kinda walked right into Tribal Council with a self-destruction vest on, blowing self up in the hopes of also taking out Adam. And also only time will tell if the was sufficient to take out his 2nd target. However at least he had actually a strategy — any strategy. And also now the doesn’t have to worry around burying mason jars in the sand, together he can eat every the food he wants at Ponderosa. Plus, he has actually his whole future with Figgy to ponder! “I obtained a girlfriend and also hopefully we’re gonna buy a sailboat and also go have actually some adventure together, for this reason I’m nice stoked around that,” he said after being voted out.

Only problem is the “adventure” appears to have actually included another woman Taylor impregnated ago home prior to the game. In ~ least, that’s judging by Figgy’s comments to me: “There was a real-life situation that I uncovered out ~ the game and it brought about Taylor and I no being together.” and also that’s additionally judging through a since-deleted Twitter post by Taylor that he to be “stoked to it is in a snowboard instructor/DAD this winter!” v a huge “Adventure begins November” photo. However his adventure below is over. Currently let united state chronicle the episode from peak to bottom come see just how it every went down.

We begin on night 23 in ~ Vinaka after ~ the blindsiding that Michelle. Jay states Adam to be a “freakin’ idiot” because that siding v Gen X, even though not siding with Gen X way he would have actually just been voted out, therefore I’m no sure how that renders sense. “How did this happen?” Jay asks Taylor, that responds there are just so many human being you have the right to trust in the game, and when they’re gone, you’re in trouble. Oh, you median like…MICHAELA?!?!

This is why I argued Jay should have actually taken the post-merge people temperature before he started cutting faithful allies. Yet the only thing an ext annoying 보다 a negative game relocate is a dude rubbing in what a negative game relocate you made, so I’ll shut up now. Besides, that looks prefer Adam and also Taylor room having an additional meeting the the Super-Secret Keeper’s Club. Each have damaging intel top top the other — Adam knows Taylor stole the food since he caught him law it, while Taylor knows around Adam’s r4476mountvernon.comard steal due to the fact that Adam chose to phone call him. Whoops!

So castle agree to keep each other’s secrets, and then Taylor goes and meticulously plots the end his following 12 strategy moves that can obtain him the end of this predicament and to the finish of the video game — while also keeping himself in everyone’s an excellent graces so they will vote because that him to success the million dollars. Nah, I’m simply scr4476mountvernon.coming v you. In actuality, he goes and also digs increase his stolen food again and proclaims “This is my ideal idea ever!” The saddest component is, I think him.

At the very least Jay’s working difficult to adjust his condition in the game. The does some damage manage with Hannah, who explains why she switched sides and also how she would have actually been a goat had she stuck to Kappa Kappa Survivor. Every one of a sudden, we obtain this soaring piano music together she talks excitedly come us around playing the game and making a move.

Holy smokes, is my illustration 1 choose to victory it every actually obtaining a little of a winner’s edit here? I’ve been regretting my pick ever since I do it. I actually, at times, have wished i selected my other possible pick that Mari…even despite she was already out that the game! That’s how negative I felt about picking Hannah. However maybe she’s transforming a corner. Possibly she will regulate to survive one lack Council without hyperventilating. We deserve to only hope. Or, at least, I deserve to only hope. You more than likely don’t provide a crap because you have actually no such call riding top top a respectable Hannah finish.

Off come the r4476mountvernon.comard difficulty we go, whereby two teams of six must race through a collection of obstacles, retrieve a key, unlock a box, drag package underneath a net, open up the box, gain bolos, and then floor all 5 bolos top top a target. There’s a schoolyard pick to division the teams, with the winners obtaining taken to a will to lounge poolside if dining on cheeseburgers and fries and also sucking down cocktails. It’s a cool-looking challenge, yet the influence and drama is regrettably som4476mountvernon.comhat muted together the purple team constrain in our first blowout difficulty of the season. It’s actually remarkable there aren’t an ext runaway victories. I realize obstacles are often designed so teams can capture up — especially when puzzles are connected — but it’s still remarkable exactly how close lock can become or how regularly we watch dramatic comebacks. This, however, is not one of those times.

So the winners walk to enjoy their spoils. Contestants frequently get yes, really sick after r4476mountvernon.comard meals since their body cannot adjust from fasting to feasting so suddenly, but Taylor doesn’t need to worry around that, thanks to his an enig stash. And Bret doesn’t have to worry around eating also much since Bret has actually opted for the liquid-lunch option — which, to it is in clear, is not a referral to diarrhea. I mean, perhaps it is and also he’s likewise suffering from #SevereGastrointestinalDistress, but I have actually no inside understanding of the nor perform I want to. Rather it appears Bret made a pledge to self to take it easy if he ever before got drinks on a r4476mountvernon.comard — however, he changes his tune as soon as the totally free drinks begin flowing. “Keep this coming ‘til i drop,” that instructs his horrified server.



While I had actually high really hopes for part old-school drunken Survivor shenanigans ~ above the level the Tom Westman, Jonny Fairplay, or jan from Thailand, us unfortunately don’t view Bret make a complete ass that himself. A shame. Total missed opportunity. Meanwhile, earlier at camp, Jay is make the efforts to mend fences v Adam, who shows up to have actually all the bedside way of Nurse Ratched in ~ a mental hospital. Adam openly confirms to Jay he’s ~ above the bottom.

Adam is merely stating the obvious, however it’s still a bonehead move. An initial off, it upsets Jay, who says Adam is being “a substantial jerk” by rubbing his nose in it. Secondly, together Zeke point out out, you always want the the opposite to feeling comfortable. When you tell human being they’re top top the bottom, you’re inviting them to scramble and blow points up. A placated contestant is a lazy contestant, while a no hope player is a dangerous player. Adam could have quickly acted like the alliances were tho in flux and he to be still open to working with Jay. And who knows? possibly he did. But Jay clearly left that conversation v the dorn impression.

However, Jay does have a home window of opportunity — and that home window comes courtesy the Sunday, who doesn’t to trust Jessica. She wants to relocate on the Gen Xer before Jessica moves on she first, so Sunday tells Jay she’ll press to do her the target instead. It’s a pass out glimmer of hope, however a glimmer nonetheless.

Of course, Jay does a have an idol, and winning immunity will certainly make him for sure for two votes. But he needs to win it an initial to make the happen. This week’s immunity challenge is a recent Survivor standby, where players have to stand top top a narrow beam when balancing a sphere on a wooden bow.

Ah, however what is behind door no. 2? because Jeff Probst supplies them a fiendish deal: Anyone deserve to opt to sit out and also not contend — and in return reap grilled ham-and-cheese sandwiches, braided potato chips, and either ice-cold beer or soft drinks, depending on age or if you have actually a really an excellent fake ID. Zeke and Will both take up Jeff top top his offer, and this is the component in the recap whereby I generally rail on and also on for pages and pages around how unconscionable that is world take food end a opportunity at immunity. And also with good reason: There have actually been numerous times in the previous where world didn’t compete due to the fact that they thought about themselves safe, only to get blindsided later that night.

However, ns will permit for this: Will says he took the food since he there was no way he can possibly success this challenge, for this reason he figured why no take the food come refuel for this reason he stands a far better chance in the next challenge? I understand this logic. If over there is miscellaneous — prefer a an obstacle with footholds and also you stay a size 12 shoe, or a challenge in the water and also you don’t swimming — you stand no chance of winning, so why go out there and also make yourself weaker because that no reason once you have the right to make yourself stronger with food?

I acquire it, if it’s specifically a strategic thing. However to that i say this: once you sit up there at the final Tribal Council and also want to convince others why you deserve the million dollars, perform you desire to be seen as the human who combated with everything you had in the face of overwhelming odds against you, or perform you desire to be seen as the person who didn’t even try and instead went because that the straightforward out through the food?

Plus, this is Survivor! You come out over there to compete. So compete! I identify this is very easy for me come say after ~ just having actually scarfed down an entire bag the leftover Halloween liquid (Three Musketeers) while sit on my couch in my climate-controlled living room, yet if girlfriend signed up because that Survivor friend presumably wanted to test yourself, so perform it! the is my som4476mountvernon.comhat restrained rant against sitting out challenges for food. Ns still hate it and would still argue against it, but I recognize — if don’t agree with — the reasonable behind doing for this reason in certain circumstances. It’s one evolution!

Eventually, it comes down to Taylor and Ken — and not even Taylor’s freaky alien-toe shoes have the right to save him together Ken Doll wins immunity. Earlier at camp, David states it’s either or Jay or Taylor, therefore they decision to separation the vote to protect versus a covert immunity idol (which is smart, since Jay indeed has one).

Knowing your necks space on the line, Taylor and also Jay decide to ingredient their deals with courtesy the Taylor’s an enig stash. Not only does Taylor phone call Jay about the concealed bunker the food, but he squeals about Adam’s advantage as well. “If friend steal the loved one’s visit, those people hate you,” claims Taylor, i beg your pardon is precisely the reason I have stated Adam would certainly be Looney tunes to ever use it. Every one of a sudden the soaring inspirational music kicks in, i beg your pardon is kind of odd due to the fact that not only is it play over Taylor talking around going earlier on his promise come someone, however it’s likewise Taylor talking about going ago on his promise to someone in the wishes of avenging the lose of his showmance girlfriend, who now is no longer seeing him because he impregnated another woman ago home.

I mean, it doesn’t get much more inspirational 보다 that! It’s like Rocky meets Hoosiers meets that woman indigenous the 1984 Olympics who looked like she was going to happen out and also die if she stumbled her way through the end of a marathon meets a young boy fighting gallantly versus a terminal illness meets an old Kodak commercial wherein an old male finds some old image of his now-estranged kid whom he then calls up because he’s to be so moved by the pictures of happier times meets every Lassie movie meets Corky native Life goes On meets every televised spelling punishment meets the Chariots that Fire theme song meets the teenage girl who had her arm bitten off by a shark…AND preserved SURFING!!!

Whatever. Let’s all put down the Puffs and head come Tribal Council and see how nice Michelle cleaned up. Us all know what happens below as Taylor admits come burying the 2 jars full of food. Just how selfless! not really. He has to do this since he’s planning to backstab Adam by outing his advantage, and also therefore needs to come clean himself prior to Adam retaliates. But Taylor does execute something clever here. No, seriously, that does! I’m no being sarcastic, i swear! I’m actually a little impressed! he embellishes the fact by insinuating Adam was simply as culpable in the deception by informing the rather Adam assisted him bury the jar.

Is that true? not really, but so the hell what? in ~ this point, simply straight-up lie! Honestly, i would have actually gone also further. I would have actually said Adam ate so plenty of pretzels the went and barfed it all up…and climate came earlier and ate some more! Why not? It’s simply a case of the said/he said, and also since anyone vi4476mountvernon.coms Adam as untrustworthy anyway, you may come out of that okay.

At this point, Adam beginning vehemently protesting, which leads Hannah to when again begin hyperventilating and hiding under she jacket. And also then the various other shoe drops together Taylor calls the end Adam’s advantage of being able come steal someone’s r4476mountvernon.comard. See, here’s another example whereby he should have actually just made some stuff up. In reality, the r4476mountvernon.comard steal is not a huge advantage in ~ all. As I’ve argued, ns think it’s in reality self-destructive and self-defeating and should never ever be used. As Adam self says, “If the benefit I acquired is for this reason terrible, then vote me out.”

Which is why Taylor should have made the benefit seem super terrible. Don’t tell the tribe it’s a r4476mountvernon.comard steal, tell castle it’s a vote steal or a at sight Duper immunity Idol that enables him to not just vote out three human being on the spot, but additionally forces Jeff Probst to execute the Macarena while the reads the epos votes the doom. Whatever, simply make that something that actual repercussion that will certainly make the various other players think twice around keeping Adam around. Will certainly it work? more than likely not. Yet if you’re the one who’s walking home, what perform you need to lose? However, Taylor doesn’t carry out this. Instead, he speak the people “If I recognize I can get ahead by eating more food than these guys, climate I’m walk to carry out it.” Ugh. Have actually you learned nothing, Taylor? that is more than likely the worst thing to tell human being right prior to they start voting.

So after some hilarious back-and-forth between Adam and Jay (“You ate the food! ns did not!”), anyone goes come vote, with the majority alliance separating votes between Taylor and also Jay and sending Taylor come the jury. But what’s amazing is exactly how Kappa Kappa Survivor votes. Taylor put his revenge vote on Adam, yet Will votes for Jay and Jay votes for Taylor. Jay’s vote makes sense if that feels every vote might count, so far better to load up Taylor (since his idol is no real help here, due to the fact that if he had provided Taylor the idol Jay himself would have actually been got rid of on the revote), however what is up v Will voting for Jay? I assumed they to be bros! would love to know the thinking behind that vote.

Off walk Taylor to Ponderosa, where maybe he can fall in love with Michelle currently that Figgy is gone. And also Jay, even with his idol, would certainly seem to it is in in a little bit of trouble — unless Sunday and also Bret ultimately mobilize to do a relocate on Jessica. Or if the rather decide Adam (who likewise has one idol) is as well untrustworthy to save around any kind of longer. Those would seem to be the greatest cracks in the majority, so there are still a various ways this could go.

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And there space still a different things for you to check out prior to you go. Like our exclusive turned off scene from the illustration below. And our weekly Q&A with Hostmaster general Jeff Probst. And also our exit with Taylor, which deserve to be heard Thursday in ~ 9:40 a.m. EST ~ above Entertainment Weekly Radio (SiriusXM, channel 105) and also for an ext Survivor scoop, monitor me ~ above Twitter

Oh, and hey, go you notification the old article boards are back? Scream! Rejoice! Tell her friends! gain sounding off v your think below, because why should I be the only one rambling ~ above endlessly around minutiae favor the shade of Jeff Probst’s hat? and yes, i will ago next week with a one-of-a-kind scoop that Thanksgiving crispy (which I will certainly then steal, ingredient in mason jars, and bury in my background).