yes No Such thing as "You Made her Bed, currently Lie in It"

girlfriend don't need to be grounding in the past.

posted January 4, 2017 | the evaluation by Abigail Fagan


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For many civilization raised in abusive, neglectful, or dysfunctional families, the blog post "you made your bed, now lie in it" is a typical life philosophy taught and advocated throughout childhood.

You are watching: You made your bed now lie in it

It’s a message generally passed under from one generation to the next, an especially when there was prior victimization or helplessness. This attitude gets normalized and subsequent generations stop challenging its legitimacy. Instead, the belief is the there are limited choices in life and also once castle made, you’re stuck to them. Even worse, over there is the belief that leaving an old “bed” trying to find a far better one is irresponsible, selfish, or immature.


Limiting your choices is a powerful and devastating mantra due to the fact that it discounts plenty of of the simple rights you possess as a human being being. Those rights include reevaluating your choices and decisions in life, an altering your mind and also your food of activity to enhance ongoing or transforming circumstances. The crucial decisions you made always occurred in ~ a certain life context:


Maybe friend felt pressured come accommodate various other people.Or maybe you to be unconsciously replaying what to be modeled and also normalized because that you in childhood.

The fact is, the personal, academic, and also professional decisions that met your requirements 5, 10, or twenty years ago may be fully irrelevant to her life today. Presently, her eyes might be opened in ways like never ever before. Maybe you"ve tapped right into a creative, curious, or adventurous component of yourself that wasn’t accessible in the past; and that brand-new part has an extremely different needs and also desires. Probably you"ve simply outgrown those options previously make that when served girlfriend well. Maybe you’ve concerned realize the you deserve much more or worthy to be treated with greater love and respect. The bottom line is you should never it is in permanently stuck to a selection that worked in the past but is no much longer useful, relevant, productive, or safe in the present.


You can leave the “bed” and also discover a brand-new one that truly shows who girlfriend are and what you currently need and desire. This is particularly important when you made those prior decisions under press or stress. Or you discover that you‘ve actually been lied on a harmful “bed the nails.” The brand-new year is a natural time because that inward reflection, re-evaluating decisions and choices, and enabling yourself to decision if castle still occupational for you or if that time to do something different.


Anyone who insists that you must forever stay with her original selections is asking you to continue to be frozen in time. They may push the idea since it meets their own an individual agenda or needs without considering the affect that it’s having on you and also your life. World can be rapid to sweet in, even when you haven’t request for your opinion. They’ll provide you advice around what they think is in your ideal interests. They might make sweeping statements and judgments about your life also when castle don’t know the totality story. They can be the end of touch through your current needs and feelings or the toy fee your options take on her physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental health.


It’s so important for girlfriend to trust your very own instincts and inner wisdom. A true authorize of one ever-evolving person is one who deserve to look back and identify the plenty of “beds” they acquired to shot out, live in for a time, and then move on from. Hopefully, you will take on the idea the this is the healthiest and also most productive way to live your life!


Share v us a time as soon as you were able to let go of the belief that “you made your bed, now lie in it.”

Adapted indigenous “Finding her Ruby Slippers: Transformative Life Lessons native the Therapist’s Couch," by Lisa Ferentz, LCSW-C, DAPA.

See more: My Whole Life Has Changed Since You Came In Uwine, My Whole Life Has Changed



Lisa Ferentz, LCSW-C, DAPA, is a clinical society worker, psychotherapist, and the founder of the academy for progressed Psychotherapy Training and also Education.


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